Vengeance Is Mine...

I've been a Christian for almost all of my life, and I would like to think that I do pretty good at doing the "Christian thing" I mean I try to love my neighbor, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and at times give to the homeless people on the street.
If I'm honest, there is one thing that I am seriously struggling with, and that is my desire to get back at people that hurt, abandoned, underestimated, and or took advantage of me.
 It doesn't bother me during the day but in the stillness this demonic thirst for revenge sits in the shadows of my soul and waits until I am fully aware of my faults, failures, struggles, and shortcomings and reminds me of every negative experience I have experienced at the hands of those who once said they cared or loved me.
Though I am incredibly grateful for my wife and amazing children and the amount of healing, joy, and fulfillment they bring to my life, I've realized that it's not enough. It's not enough to make me forget the pain of rejection, abuse, poverty, molestation, racism, prejudice, fatherlessness, dismissal, abandonment, and feeling like an orphan for the majority of my life.

If I am honest in the back of my mind and in the bottom of my heart at times, there is a small dark desire to want to get even and really cause as much pain and embarrassment that I endured. I'm not proud to admit that, but let's be real there are some people in all of our lives that have caused some pain and or turmoil that we would really like to see suffer or at least get even with. At times there is this knot in the bottom of my gut called animosity and jealousy that wants to lash out and let the world know how much that person hurt me, especially when they look like they are prospering with no regard to the effects of their decisions towards me. #PrayMyStrength.

I often ask myself what is it that causes us to want to get even? Why do we find pleasure in the downfall of others? It's not like I want to see everyone fail, just the ones that caused me problems. The funny thing about it is that as Christians we realize we can't just go after people when we are confronted with scriptures like Romans 12:2 17-19 Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”

This is extremely difficult to do when you want to see people punished for their actions especially when you believe their actions were without consequence.  The truth is life is not fair, and we can't control what people say about us and what they plot to do to or against us, but we are in control of what we do and how we react. Jesus teaches in Ephesians to forgive as we have been forgiven. The people of the Lord are reminded that it's imperative to forgive others as we have been forgiven. We have to remember that Christ forgave us and we must be willing to offer forgiveness to those who we feel like don't deserve it. We have to realize that we should not look for our healing in their "I'm sorry," but in our own "I forgive you." It's challenging but not impossible, life becomes easier once we realize that everyone on earth is broken, and are in pursuit of some type of healing or breakthrough. Once we accept the fact that hurt people hurt people. It is our responsibility as Christians to stop the vicious cycle and learn how to accept apologies from people that we will never receive.